Nirbhaaiya,
So many times I have started to write this and so many times I have broken down... too angry, too upset, too distraught to be able to write. It has been nearly 9 months since that unfortunate day..9 months since you breathed your last...9 months since your beautiful, fruitful life and its numerous dreams were extinguished by 6 monsters..
The fast track verdict is supposed to come out today and suddenly I am scared of it...scared that you will be failed again...It has already failed you some.....The cruelest of your perpetrators will be free to live his lowly, miserable life in 3 years... while yours ended... That's the part I am still not able to get over... Don't get me wrong...I hate what happened to you... detest the fact that some people could not handle the thought of a smart, independent girl who was out to achieve her hopes and dreams....I abhor the jobless, delinquent people who thought it was their "duty" to "teach you a lesson" because they were too stupid and messed up to even walk straight...BUT... I wished you hadn't died... I wish you had lived to see your dreams to fruition... I wish you'd been able to finally get that dream job... I wish you'd been able to support your parents, make them proud and live a full, happy and accretive life...I wish time and again that you hadn't died...
I am not even sure what/how to feel about today... As panels and mobs demand reforms, education, awareness and death for those lowlifes...I don't know what to hope/wish for...For a long time I was so angry that I wanted them to die a miserable, horrible death.. a death in which they would suffer unspeakably and then I wanted them to be re-born and die yet another painful death and again and again.....and yet now..I am filled with a void...Even if the court decides to napalm the criminals, I am not sure I would find closure..and here is why.. Every time, I will hear of another person's achievements I will think of you... every time another Diana Nyad completes a 103 mile swim I will think of you... every time another Auto wallah's son/ daughter ranks #1 in the CA exams I will think of you....every time there is any achievement/ success/ felicitation of the human spirit, of another's hard work, of someone else's perseverance and courage I will think of you and your incomplete and unrequited dreams.... and I don't know how to get closure on that....
So many times I have started to write this and so many times I have broken down... too angry, too upset, too distraught to be able to write. It has been nearly 9 months since that unfortunate day..9 months since you breathed your last...9 months since your beautiful, fruitful life and its numerous dreams were extinguished by 6 monsters..
The fast track verdict is supposed to come out today and suddenly I am scared of it...scared that you will be failed again...It has already failed you some.....The cruelest of your perpetrators will be free to live his lowly, miserable life in 3 years... while yours ended... That's the part I am still not able to get over... Don't get me wrong...I hate what happened to you... detest the fact that some people could not handle the thought of a smart, independent girl who was out to achieve her hopes and dreams....I abhor the jobless, delinquent people who thought it was their "duty" to "teach you a lesson" because they were too stupid and messed up to even walk straight...BUT... I wished you hadn't died... I wish you had lived to see your dreams to fruition... I wish you'd been able to finally get that dream job... I wish you'd been able to support your parents, make them proud and live a full, happy and accretive life...I wish time and again that you hadn't died...
I am not even sure what/how to feel about today... As panels and mobs demand reforms, education, awareness and death for those lowlifes...I don't know what to hope/wish for...For a long time I was so angry that I wanted them to die a miserable, horrible death.. a death in which they would suffer unspeakably and then I wanted them to be re-born and die yet another painful death and again and again.....and yet now..I am filled with a void...Even if the court decides to napalm the criminals, I am not sure I would find closure..and here is why.. Every time, I will hear of another person's achievements I will think of you... every time another Diana Nyad completes a 103 mile swim I will think of you... every time another Auto wallah's son/ daughter ranks #1 in the CA exams I will think of you....every time there is any achievement/ success/ felicitation of the human spirit, of another's hard work, of someone else's perseverance and courage I will think of you and your incomplete and unrequited dreams.... and I don't know how to get closure on that....
