My (maternal) grandmother passed away last year in April... I was the only one of her grandchildren who could not attend the funeral and I guess that's the reason I have been carrying this mild heaviness in my heart for the past 8 months .... maybe more so because I never got to say goodbye... until a few weeks back when I went back to India and actually saw her picture on the wall, with the sandalwood garland that 100% confirmed that she was no longer in this world and i'd finally have to say bye.
Losing a grandparent is like losing a part of your childhood and as I thought about all the happy memories I had as a kid with Maa (that's what we all called), I began to reminisce about the stories she'd tell me over and over again with the same level of enthusiasm as if telling them for the first time..
Given that the majority of the time I spent with her was during student days, Maa was always full of stories about studying, working hard and having ambitions...Maa was a good student and had lots stories about her school, classmates, exams and her own performance in them...She once told me a story about how she had an English exam and one of the questions was - "what does your father do?", a fairly simple and innocuous question that any of us would be able to answer easily, the only problem was that - Maa's father was a treasurer/ accountant and she did not know the English word for the same, she only knew that he was a Khazanchi, the Hindi/ Urdu word for it... Not knowing the right word, she did not answer the question at all... when she told her friends about it, they laughed at her and told her that she could have written any other profession that she knew the English word for, doctor/ engineer, teacher, anything.... but that was Maa for you in a nutshell, completely, utterly and totally incapable of lying. Much later in life, if she was ever asked to tell a white lie or answer a question with anything but the absolute truth she would be extremely uncomfortable with it and would need to actually rehearse scenarios with someone just so she'd be comfortable about the situation...
Maa was completely devoted to her loved ones. Her husband, kids, grandkids, siblings, in-laws were her whole world and she loved every moment of being Maa.... but every now and then she'd share with us grandkids, glimpses from her own childhood. She told me how a girl in her class had disappeared from school and eloped with a boy. The incident had created widespread scandal in the neighborhood and almost overnight most girls were pulled out of school for fear of something similar repeating itself. Not being allowed to study was one of the biggest regrets of Maa's life. Once when she was telling me this story again, I told her that given that she was married at 13 years of age and was the eldest daughter-in-law of a pretty conservative family, the chances of her having utilized her education toward a career were pretty slim to which she said words to me that I will never forget .."I know I would not be able to work, but atleast I would have become more knowledgeable, I miss not getting a chance to gain that knowledge". In a world full of people drifting through school, college even masters degrees just to land cushy jobs, all my Maa wanted was to study to increase her knowledge....
My grandparents, uncle, aunt and the family had to leave Kashmir (their hometown of several generations) suddenly in the early 90's because of the terrorism in the valley. They left with the clothes on their back and a few valuable possessions. The exodus meant leaving behind their newly constructed house in Srinagar to live in tiny rented apartments, in the unbearable Delhi heat. Despite being displaced from her homeland, Maa was always cheerful. If she missed her home and motherland she rarely showed it... but she would grieve for it in her own way... she would comment how the fruits & vegetables just did not taste the same... her Hindi (the prevalent language spoken in Delhi) was very rudimentary which led to some very hilarious jokes in our family.... but never was she bitter, cynical or acerbic. She realized that life had dealt them a very cruel hand but she was determined to never give up..
Most parents attempt to teach the right values to their kids through words, but Maa lived her values of loving everyone, being exceptionally kind, assuming the very best in people and never ever giving up... every single day. I don't ever remember her holding a grudge or using harsh words for anyone. Sarcasm just did not exist in her dictionary. She would routinely get into trouble for having very detailed chats with new neighbors or the fruit/vegetable vendor or even strangers, but I don't think Maa understood that someone could use details gained from her in a malicious way. She did not have a malicious bone in her body and just could not believe someone else could be manipulative. Despite not being allowed to study to much, she never gave up on learning new skills. She balanced her own checkbooks, went to the bank alone and knew the cell phone & landline numbers of all her family (kids, brother, sisters & in-laws by heart). If she was guilty of any vice, it was pride in being a good cook and everyone knew that:) She loved to cook, she'd spend hours and hours laboring in a hot kitchen in an even hotter Delhi summer cooking for her family and she lived for the words praising whatever she had prepared.
As my eyes well up when writing these words about Maa, I remember the sensation of her soft hands cupping my face and she using her thumbs to wipe my tears and telling me that crying would make my eyes bad, and I'd have to wear glasses if I continued to cry... Well...Maa, I wear glasses anyway and my heart will always cry a little when I think of you....
Losing a grandparent is like losing a part of your childhood and as I thought about all the happy memories I had as a kid with Maa (that's what we all called), I began to reminisce about the stories she'd tell me over and over again with the same level of enthusiasm as if telling them for the first time..
Given that the majority of the time I spent with her was during student days, Maa was always full of stories about studying, working hard and having ambitions...Maa was a good student and had lots stories about her school, classmates, exams and her own performance in them...She once told me a story about how she had an English exam and one of the questions was - "what does your father do?", a fairly simple and innocuous question that any of us would be able to answer easily, the only problem was that - Maa's father was a treasurer/ accountant and she did not know the English word for the same, she only knew that he was a Khazanchi, the Hindi/ Urdu word for it... Not knowing the right word, she did not answer the question at all... when she told her friends about it, they laughed at her and told her that she could have written any other profession that she knew the English word for, doctor/ engineer, teacher, anything.... but that was Maa for you in a nutshell, completely, utterly and totally incapable of lying. Much later in life, if she was ever asked to tell a white lie or answer a question with anything but the absolute truth she would be extremely uncomfortable with it and would need to actually rehearse scenarios with someone just so she'd be comfortable about the situation...
Maa was completely devoted to her loved ones. Her husband, kids, grandkids, siblings, in-laws were her whole world and she loved every moment of being Maa.... but every now and then she'd share with us grandkids, glimpses from her own childhood. She told me how a girl in her class had disappeared from school and eloped with a boy. The incident had created widespread scandal in the neighborhood and almost overnight most girls were pulled out of school for fear of something similar repeating itself. Not being allowed to study was one of the biggest regrets of Maa's life. Once when she was telling me this story again, I told her that given that she was married at 13 years of age and was the eldest daughter-in-law of a pretty conservative family, the chances of her having utilized her education toward a career were pretty slim to which she said words to me that I will never forget .."I know I would not be able to work, but atleast I would have become more knowledgeable, I miss not getting a chance to gain that knowledge". In a world full of people drifting through school, college even masters degrees just to land cushy jobs, all my Maa wanted was to study to increase her knowledge....
My grandparents, uncle, aunt and the family had to leave Kashmir (their hometown of several generations) suddenly in the early 90's because of the terrorism in the valley. They left with the clothes on their back and a few valuable possessions. The exodus meant leaving behind their newly constructed house in Srinagar to live in tiny rented apartments, in the unbearable Delhi heat. Despite being displaced from her homeland, Maa was always cheerful. If she missed her home and motherland she rarely showed it... but she would grieve for it in her own way... she would comment how the fruits & vegetables just did not taste the same... her Hindi (the prevalent language spoken in Delhi) was very rudimentary which led to some very hilarious jokes in our family.... but never was she bitter, cynical or acerbic. She realized that life had dealt them a very cruel hand but she was determined to never give up..
Most parents attempt to teach the right values to their kids through words, but Maa lived her values of loving everyone, being exceptionally kind, assuming the very best in people and never ever giving up... every single day. I don't ever remember her holding a grudge or using harsh words for anyone. Sarcasm just did not exist in her dictionary. She would routinely get into trouble for having very detailed chats with new neighbors or the fruit/vegetable vendor or even strangers, but I don't think Maa understood that someone could use details gained from her in a malicious way. She did not have a malicious bone in her body and just could not believe someone else could be manipulative. Despite not being allowed to study to much, she never gave up on learning new skills. She balanced her own checkbooks, went to the bank alone and knew the cell phone & landline numbers of all her family (kids, brother, sisters & in-laws by heart). If she was guilty of any vice, it was pride in being a good cook and everyone knew that:) She loved to cook, she'd spend hours and hours laboring in a hot kitchen in an even hotter Delhi summer cooking for her family and she lived for the words praising whatever she had prepared.
As my eyes well up when writing these words about Maa, I remember the sensation of her soft hands cupping my face and she using her thumbs to wipe my tears and telling me that crying would make my eyes bad, and I'd have to wear glasses if I continued to cry... Well...Maa, I wear glasses anyway and my heart will always cry a little when I think of you....
1 comment:
Wonderful writeup. Our Maa truly inspired us to live our life with all positivity and confidence. God bless you.
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